Domestic Violence Awareness Month
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Though it might seem easy to know when domestic violence is happening, oftentimes, it shows up in much more obscure ways than popular media may have us believe. In this blog post, I share some of the lesser known/readily recognized signs of domestic violence.
Domestic violence is *not just limited to physical acts of violence.
Nonetheless, all forms of domestic violence deserve care and support.
*This is not a comprehensive list of signs and there are many more I do not mention here for brevity. Also, it is very possible for different types of abuse to occur at the same time (i.e. A person who is experiencing emotional abuse may also be experiencing economic, sexual, etc. forms of abuse.)
To start, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence defines domestic violence (sometimes referenced as intimate partner violence) as “the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another.”
(*Please note that “survivor” refers to the person who is/was being abused and is surviving/has survived. This term is intentionally used to highlight and foster a person’s strength and agency. That being said, I strongly empathize with the fact that at times, people do feel weak and powerless and I believe that this is important to validate/offer space for too.)
Signs of Emotional Abuse:
Creating or encouraging dependence on certain medications, drugs, alcohol
Yelling, shouting, or screaming
Taking away the survivor’s independence
Making threats of physical violence/acts of intimidation to startle a survivor
Convincing a survivor that no one else loves/would want them
Gaslighting (i.e. convincing a survivor to doubt their reality or own judgment)
Humiliating survivor in front of others
Making the survivor believe everything is their fault
Signs of Economic Abuse:
Not giving money for food, rent, clothing, and other basic needs of surviving.
Refusing to pay child support
Ruining survivor’s credit
Not allowing the survivor to work and/or go to school
Cashing the survivor’s paycheck and not giving any of the money to the survivor
Refusing to work and making the survivor provide all financial support
Forcing the survivor to steal
Sexually exploiting the survivor for money
Selling possessions of the survivor
Withholding a survivor’s access to the ATM, bank accounts, credit cards, etc.
Signs of Sexual Abuse:
Forcing survivor to have sex with the abuser and/or with someone/something else
Forcing the survivor to watch pornography
Forcing the survivor to watch the sexual abuse of another person, which may include their own children
Forcing the survivor to engage in sexual acts which degrade the survivor (i.e. urinating or defecating on survivor)
Forcing the survivor to perform sexual acts on themselves
Selling survivor for sex
Exposing survivor’s private sexual behaviors
Domestic violence in relationships can sneak up on us because it often doesn’t show up until we’re well into a relationship.
Please know that you deserve to be in a healthy relationship and that a healthy relationship is possible.
To read more about what a healthy relationship looks like, you can check out my other blog post on Healthy Relationships.
*If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence and in urgent need for support, please reach out for support.
The National Domestic Violence 24/7 Hotline is:
1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224
*For a list of resources in California, please visit the link below from the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence.
https://www.cpedv.org/domestic-violence-organizations-california
Please do not suffer in silence. Your safety and overall well-being matters.
With lots of care,
Gina
Sources:
https://ncadv.org/learn-more
W.O.M.A.N., Inc., San Francisco, CA, Domestic Violence Training Manual, 2012
If you’re curious to learn more about my specialties and what it would be like to work with me, you can check out the links below: